Thriving 30, Volume 26: Women and Allyship
It has been sometime since I wrote something.
There have been good days, and there have been bad days. Mostly bad days.
Sometimes it feels like the world has changed so much but not moving at all.
Literally and figuratively. Moments where I feel we have re-lived history and why is the world still affected by racism, but at the same time so exceptionally blown away by the brave souls who are standing up and fighting for basic human rights.
There are moments where we’ve invented digital payments, an Alexa, amazing AI technology, cracked down cyber security, but somehow can’t figure out better options for voting.
We didn’t allow for women to vote until 100 years ago. That’s right Gen Z, an amendment needed to be passed for women to say, hey I have a say in this nation. This my quick cut to encouraging my ladies to vote, because we need to make sure Susan B. Anthony, Alice Paul, Elizabeth Stanton, Lucy Burns and others efforts’ did not go to waste. In 2020, women are fighting for rights of their own reproductive bodies. Because bleeding once a month for 7 days, dealing with hormones that physicians cannot explain, and conceiving a baby is still decided by white congressmen who didn't know that you can have a tampon on and pee at the same time.
Viagra is paid by insurance because woe is me, limp dicks happen more often than we realize. I am sorry to all the men who had to deal with such insecurities. However she…she is trying to not get pregnant by your viagra dicks. Catch 22 isn’t it? But you know what? There is going to be an amazing person where she is going to figure out how to break the system because she gives a shit about her and other women’s uteruses. Someone that is extremely smart, confident, secure with her values, understanding that no man or woman should have a say in what an individual chooses to do with their own body. And that my friend, basic individual equality, feminism.
Now that we are on the topic of feminism, one of my favorite topics to talk about and enjoy having extremely intellectual conversations about. It really pains me to see women not standing up for other women, especially women of color, not fighting for other women of color. There is so much oppression behind that, and for us to be so indifferent, stoic, and dismissive. She looks like me, however she is not on my side. In the midst of job hunting, I’ve noticed that there is a vast difference in applying, elevator pitch and negotiation between men and women. There was a quote I saw on twitter on applying to jobs that you don't meet every qualification for. To paraphrase what she says, who gives a shit. The worst you can hear is no, you have heard that word before, it’s nothing new. Look at the president, he is super unqualified, he applied, and now he has the job. Take that confidence with you. Recruiters from tech companies have plenty of resources, technology to sweep through applications. If you don’t qualify for the role, you will get an automated response. There shouldn’t be any fear to submit an application. You will not waste anyone’s time including yourself. It is always great to know, rather than sitting in doubt.
While I was on final rounds of interviews and I met with a VP, an Asian-American woman, she asked me why did you apply to this role. You did not go to Project Management School. You aren’t qualified. I questioned why she brought me on board through all these interviews to say that. She said that the hiring manager really liked my background and enjoyed what I’d brought to the table, but she can’t say she agreed. That moment I learned that not everyone is going to like you, just because you share a race, a gender, they are not going to be your ally.
This idea of women supporting women sometimes baffles me. It makes me think 1) can you be competitive while supporting women? 2) how many times some men pin women against each other by comparing us to one another and lastly all the trauma and insecurity some women go through that prevents them from supporting each other. I can say that I wasn’t always the perfect role model in feminism, but the relationships I’ve made, and the conversations I’ve had in the past years have given me this understanding that this kind of dialogue needs to happen more often. To our brothers, male friends, male partners … because like AOC says, just because you a father and a husband doesn’t make you a good man, a feminist, an ally in women’s rights. We need to speak up and act up on our beliefs.
I am happy to be your ally, your supporter in your endeavors male or female, especially females. When you encounter people that don’t end up supporting you, the trick I learned that often helps with coping is know yourself, know who you are, and be confident with knowing who you are. You will slowly find your group of allies who believe that you succeeding doesn’t hinder from them from succeeding.