Thriving 30, Volume 13: The Power of Helping

I was recently asked if I wanted to volunteer on a team of women that supports other women in tech. The topics would be in communication, negotiation, building leaders and playing a support system for women in the bay area. I originally attended the event because the theme of the event was “Debunking Negotiation”.  Being a better negotiator is something that I am still working on, I would love to hear feedback and perspective on my pitch. There is always room for improvement and it would be a great opportunity to network. I didn’t realize how many young women showed up. It seemed like these women are in the early 20’s and recently joined the workforce.

We broke into groups and practiced our current scenarios. It was actually quite fun role-playing, giving feedback, playing devil’s advocate. I definitely played the support and feedback role more, but it was okay because I really enjoyed helping other women. The event somehow felt so natural. I added the event coordinator on LinkedIn and she reached out to me and asked me if I was interesting in volunteering in future events. She also mentioned that it is rare that she would ask someone that is not an alumna from their leadership building program, but she felt a special connection to me. I of course said yes, I am constantly surrounded by people helping me. From my mentor Chris, who is constantly giving me career advice and connecting people in the financial industry, my colleagues who are always offering job referrals, and mental support system/yoga community who play a vital role in keeping me sane. These groups are filled with women who are badasses that inspire me so much.

The power of helping goes such a long way. I am extremely blessed to be surrounded by kind and inspirational leaders that it is only natural for me to offer the same to others. Whether it is a confidence boost or alleviating insecurity, I am eager to have an open mind and lend any type of support I can.  I was sitting at Phil’z this morning doing some work (editing this post) and there was a young couple that sat across from me. The girl and the boy seemed like they were in college, and the girl did not like that I joined her space on the open table. Although I did not take up much room, and tried my best to consolidate my belongings, she took up more space and did not leave much wiggle room to work comfortably.  Another woman joined the table and sat next to me and asked me if someone was sitting here, I gave her a warm smile and “Not at all, please make yourself comfortable”. The girl was so taken back got red. She was so taken back that I was friendly. It doesn’t take a lot to be inclusive and the response you receive when you help others will make you feel good.

There is this special quote I wanted to share, “People can be so quiet about their pain, that you forget they are hurting. That is why it is so important to always be kind”. This quote touched me so much because I recognize that people don’t enjoy talking about their struggles, things that bother them, and why they are hurting. We often keep it to ourselves. Often times it is because 1) it is personal, they are trying to find coping mechanisms that work 2) they don’t want to be a bother, we live in this generation where we only see highlight reels, 3) feedback can be subjective, often times people offer unsolicited advice or it is not appropriate to give feedback. I guess this is my way of saying that during the time that I’ve been unemployed, I am trying to be a better human being. Not only to my friends and family, but to the community I live in. Being a mentor to younger women in the careers, being better yoga instructor (it is more than sharing a sport, it’s teaching it to community and city I live in), practicing non-judgment, reacting less, and sharing more softness with the world. Reacting less and having a more understanding attitude is important because it is not always about me, and people maybe going through that I won’t be able to relate.

As I was coping with losing my job, I took it more personal than others because I learned most of my professional skills from there. I met some of the closest friends from there and being with the company was one of the most pivotal moments of me growing up. Awhile after, I was just coping, finding motivation of applying again. As I moped to myself, my friend was dealing with the death of both of her parents.  At that point my struggles didn’t really mattered anymore, and I just wanted to be there for my friend. I didn’t say it was going to be okay, I just gave her a long hug and asked her what can I do to make her day better? And that put a smile on her face. It shows that you don’t really know what people are going through, and if there is a shift attitude, they might be going through something that you cannot relate to. It is not something that you can take personal. Let them be, check-in on them, and be patient. People are quiet about their pain.