Thriving 30, Volume 19: What happens when you quit your job

Sometimes I don’t take my own advice.

Here’s what happened.

So there’s this sob story of me getting laid-off at a company I’ve been with since the beginning and then huzzah I started a new chapter. Yay me. But what the heck comes next? There could be a multitude of outcomes. I could have an amazing story where I love my new job and I am doing so well! I got promoted. Or ...I could switch teams and now in love with my position. But here I am with… What happens when you quit a high performing start-up that is a double unicorn. It sounds magical with all these tech terminologies. But quitting happens.

There are all these articles on “You don’t quit your job, you quit culture, you quit your manager” … and you know what? … it's true.  I don’t know the ratios, however a company can have it all and not meet your needs. You can work for a company that is doing ridiculously well, the office can be a prime location facing your favorite town, the culture can create amazing friends, there's daily catered lunches/unlimited snacks, and having that company's name on your resume and on paper can make you a fantastic lead. Things sound perfect... why would you leave?

The projected future and not having an exceptional manager cuts the deal for me. 

Now that I’ve managed a team poorly and successfully, I know what kind of management style I want to have. One thing I learned is that not everyone is fit to be a manager. There’s a special trait of leadership that not everyone holds. You can be a rockstar of an employee and deliver high performing products, but if you don’t have that space or you don’t have the desire to be role-model, it is going to be difficult because management is hard.  I was really lucky, where Mimi set the bar. First-off, she was the co-founder of the company. She had other direct reports and projects that are extremely high level I was not aware of. She was a badass. She was the only woman sitting in a table full of white men who underestimated her capabilities, but needed her amazing strategies. I can’t imagine how it feels to be in that dichotomy.  It is unfortunate she was undervalued by people who don’t hold the same skills/experience, let alone drive to run a business that is highly complex. I think we forget that this story has happened so many times in history, where women get the short end of the stick.  She definitely wasn’t perfect, she had her edges, but we are learning human beings. It is important to recognize learning opportunities. 

One thing a lot companies do, is call employees "resources" or "shared resources". Behind those double monitors and apple products, there's a human being trying to impress the shit our of their boss. I was fortunate to have someone that recognized that. With her tight schedule, she made time. She invested a lot of her efforts to make me feel like I matter. The company was small enough where it's important to build a solid rapport. There were many projects that I knew for sure that I wasn’t ready for and projects that I had no business to be a part of … but I’ve led those projects with flying colors. With all of that said, what exactly happened? 

I was with a double unicorn start-up for about 3 months. I had the idea of how I still wanted to be in finance still but work on a more project management role and help teams scale. However I was hired on to do manual work I believe anyone that can navigate a laptop can do. There was no meaning, no purpose, no bigger picture that team was striving for other than to reconcile transactions and trying to live this idea of being caught-up collectively. There wasn’t any magical way or tool the team was using. They were basically comparing receipts on excel using a vlookup and countif formula. Since the company is hoorah mac, any Microsoft application on a mac would operate at a significantly slower speed. The team had little hacks here and there that were shortcuts to cut out 20-30 secs of their time, however it wasn’t documented and had high risk. These short-term fixes weren't flexible and couldn't accommodate the robust changes as the company expanded in products and volume. I was pumped for 2 days and after, I was over it. I was underutilized. At this point of my career and life, I should be working on projects that challenges me. I felt like I took  15 steps backwards. I went from working as a manager and supporting different organizations in the company to dragging countif formulas all day. There wasn't much projection of a future, and secondly when I approached my manager regarding my disdain, he did not recognize my eagerness to be a leader.  There were definitely politics that I am not aware of, and I've done my diligence of reaching out to other teams with my interest in staying with the company. Unfortunately it did not work out, and I was then stuck with responsibilities that I dreaded and a manager that did not deliver. 

That day, I was pretty level-headed. I definitely didn't do this crying... I held my chin and felt good about the idea of leaving. I am introverted so I needed alone time at lunch. I sat alone...thought about my life... thought about how I shouldn't be this unhappy about my job at this age. Grabbed my laptop and badge and turn in their property and said today was my last day. I had a lot of emotions and I felt uneasy about it. My heart was beating really fast and with all the doubt I had, I needed validation that what I am doing is right. My coworkers joined me shortly after, and one of the most positive things that I got out of that company are the amazing friends I’ve made in such a short amount of time. I am beyond awe on how quickly I made friends. I did not expect much, but the little traditions we had from treating ourselves to danishes every Tuesday to finding a cubby on the 6th floor to sit together to do our own respective work. They are good people and are fun to be around. I forget that they are extremely smart and motivated and I need to surround myself with human beings with this drive and kindness. They were there for me assuring me, I am meant for bigger things.

I woke up the next day feeling sad. I lost a part of myself that I couldn’t put a finger on. I think it was confidence. I felt a little uneasy being unemployed again. I was a little frustrated I’ve placed weight on not having a stable income defined who I am. I took an enneagram test and I am not happy with the results. I wanted to be more creative and free spirited, but I was placed in the achiever category and my success is a big part of who I am.

I was insecure and resented myself for not trying hard enough and blamed how I carried myself. I took that entire day off, went to SoulCycle in morning, took a yoga class in the afternoon and then got a massage at night. The second day I got up went to the gym and was on a high, I applied and wrote cover letters to almost every company I applied to. For ones that didn’t have a section to upload a cover letter, I wrote an excerpt about myself. I had a different approach to applying this time and put more effort in building and discussing different pitches on my experiences rather than immersing myself into the details of the company. I was selective in all of my interviews. 2 weeks after I left my job, I got my first offer. I was stoked, but I wasn’t extremely excited about the product. I received my second offer 4 days later. I was even more excited, I have the option to choose between 2 start-ups that are blowing up in the Bay Area. The following week I had 4 onsite interviews, to which extended an offer within 2 days. I was scheduled to have 2 onsite interviews the following week but I had to rescind because it was getting extremely overwhelming. I had a total of 6 offers to companies I would never imagine being qualified for. I started my new job for about 2 months now. And I have to say, I am really happy. I won’t jinx anything, but you’ll hear back from me eventually. I’ll write about in a year… “What happens when… “.